By the Labyrinth

I sit by the labyrinth,
watching the evening shadows
descend here in the cathedral.

A woman sits on a cushion
in the center of the labyrinth,
her back straight, her body still.

The setting sun, shining through the stained glass,
splashes jewel-toned lights
on the stone walls of the church.

Sounds of the busy street
enter the windows and doors
on this warm summer evening.

A homeless person sits in the back
seeking respite from the street,
seeking shelter from the heat.

I, too, find respite here.

8/24/2010

Psalm of Thanksgiving

Thank you, God, for this ordinary day,
this day with no crises.

Thank you for ordinary tasks,
washing windows, making beds.

Thank you for time to notice
the cool breeze coming through the window.

Thank you for time to watch the goldfinches
visiting the feeder in the yard.

Thank you for this time of respite
after the storms of this summer.

8/24/2010

Do Not Walk Away

I.

If I allow myself to sink into my fears,
If I share my fears with you,
If I weep, if I scream,
If I shake my fist at God,
If I allow myself to crumble,
If I stop trying to be calm,
stop trying to be strong,
If I allow myself to really lose it…

II.

Do not be afraid.
Do not offer advice.
Do not try to cheer me up.
Do not get angry with me.
Do not change the subject.
Do not offer me a drink or a pill.
Do not walk away.
Do not try to make me take care of you.

III.

I will not yell and scream forever.
I will not cry forever.
I will not be angry forever.
I will not go mad.

IV.

I will, when the storm is over,
become calm again.
I will, if you stay with me,
become once again my familiar self.

8/12/2010

Ornitherapy

I laugh with delight
as I watch the saffron finches
perched on the feeder,
enjoying their breakfast.

Sparrows jockey for position
on the window feeder.
Mourning doves eat the berries
under the black cherry tree.

Blue jays scream
at the neighbor’s cat
when he ventures
into the yard.

Watching my backyard birds
as they go about their business
helps me to endure
and move forward.

8/12/10

Alone in My Room

I sit alone in my room,
seeking peace,
seeking strength.
I see my altar,
a file cabinet covered
with a tie-dyed bandana,
a red candle,
and a picture of Mary.
The Buddha and Kuan-Yin
sit in meditation
on the shelf above the altar.

Books on the shelves
remind me that I’m not alone
as I search for hope.
I belong to a community of seekers:
ancient and modern,
Christian, Buddhist, Jewish,
Hindu and Sufi,
male and female,
seekers from east and west.
Like me, they had to find meaning
in the dark nights of their lives.

I look at the planter
I brought home from my father’s funeral
so many years ago.
I see the wooden box
filled with treasured mementos
of family members
long departed.
I remember the struggles and triumphs
of those who gave me life
and shared their hard-won wisdom.
They still give me strength.

Alone in my room?
I guess I’m not.

8/5/2010

Fight

Darryl also writes poems to express his fears and his hope as he waits for the transplant. The poem below expresses both. I made the mandala above to give visual expression to the powerfully hopeful opening lines of his poem.

Fight, a poem by Darryl Nichols

Every choice you make
is a choice between Life and Death.
Or, if you prefer, Love and Fear.

I will not fear. I will love and live.
My feet tap out the sound,
of my heart beating round and round,
spinning as I face my greatest fear,
an unknown death, a census smear.

I will fight. You will fight.
We all will fight, for the right
to breathe, to party, to love, to grieve.

One day this thing
will put me in my grave,
but even then
no coffin will I crave.
Burn me up, an offering to your gods
so that you can go on and Fight.
And love, and survive, and strive
and become the best
whatever it is you were destined to be

When you dreamed,
as a child, on a shooting star,
that you later found out was a firefly.

You know the fireflies are dying out.
The city lights confuse them.
I used to think they were fairies.

Put the little fairy bodies on my breast
right before you push the button.
We will all burn bright
One last time
before we return to the earth.

Fight! Never give up!
Live. Breathe. Love.
Let Death fear YOU!
Fight.

5/20/10

Dark Night

About a month ago, when we were going through another rough patch, I took great comfort in this song by Kate Campbell and Walt Aldridge. As the song kept playing over and over in my mind, I began to see colors and an image of the dark night, the fire out in the cold, and the wonders that can be seen even in the midst of the darkness:

DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL

You can pray with all your might
Till your knuckles all turn white
You can look the other way
Hope it’s gone with each new day

You can do your best to hide
You can hold it all inside
You can curse and shake your fist
You can ask why God why this

There is peace somewhere I’m told
There’s a fire out in the cold
There are wonders to behold
In the dark night of the soul

You can give in to your doubts
Try to figure it all out
You can fight the fight alone
Do your best to drink it gone

There is peace somewhere I’m told
There’s a fire out in the cold
There are wonders to behold
In the dark night of the soul

Trust your spirit to be your guide
You’ll come out on the other side

In the absence of the light
Let the shadows hold you tight
You can let your fear and pain
Wash over you like rain

There is peace somewhere I’m told
There’s a fire out in the cold
There are wonders to behold
In the dark night of the soul
In the dark night of the soul

By Kate Campbell & Walt Aldridge
© Large River Music (BMI)
Cross Key Publishing Co. Inc./Waltz Time Music Inc. (ASCAP)